About

What’s a Crooked Pinkie?

I grew up ashamed of the parts of me that were not perfect, which included my two crooked pinkies. I would spend hours trying to straighten them out, worried that my hands were not pretty enough, or normal enough, or strong enough. The fear of others judging me for my pinkies was soon consumed by fear of judgment for all sorts of other things - my freckles, my intelligence, my free throw percentage, my bra size, my immigrant parents, my smile when I was photographed, my class rank, the number of Facebook friends I had, how much money I made. Even still, I never liked drawing too much attention to my hands.

It wasn’t until my second son was born that my perspective on my cursed crooked pinkies shifted. At the age of 2 days old, my son spent three nights in the NICU. On the morning of his discharge, I was physically exhausted and emotionally depleted when his nurse informed me that the lactation nurse wanted to meet with us before we left the hospital. I wasn’t sure I had it in me to talk to another person who wanted to tell me what I needed to do to be the perfect mother, but the reality was that I didn’t have it in me to protest. As I sat in the rocking chair in the hospital, nursing my son, the lactation nurse watched us with a silent smile on her face. To my surprise, she asked me, “Which one of you has the crooked pinkies?” When I responded with what could only be a face of utter bemusement, she laughed and explained, “Your son. His pinkies are crooked. He must have gotten them from you or his father.” I looked down at my son’s hands and sure enough, there they were - two perfectly crooked pinkies.

Just. Like. Mine.

I had never seen anything more beautiful. Maybe it was the hormones or the lack of sleep or me finally acknowledging the agonizing pain of a 4th degree laceration in my perineum, but a sudden wave of emotion flooded my entire being and I just broke down crying and laughing at the same time. The lactation nurse laughed with me, took my face into her hands, and looked me straight in my eyes. “You are doing a wonderful job, Mama.” And just like that, she gave me the gift of accepting that I did not need to be perfect, I just needed to be me.

What’s The Purpose of this Site?

That’s a good question, I’m not really sure either. I’ve been wanting to do something like this for a long time, but I delayed launching it because I could never come up with the perfect theme, mission statement, photos, domain server, you name it. I’m hoping that this will be a space for me to share my thoughts and passions, however incomplete and half-assed they may be, and the answer will naturally unfold for us together. Or maybe it won’t. But I’d love to hear from you! Please join this community of crooked pinkies (all other imperfections warmly welcomed too!) as I navigate this messy and exciting road of showing up with authenticity and vulnerability via the following:

1. Blog posts from yours truly about a variety of topics that keep me up at night

2. “Maritals” podcast with my hubby. We will be diving into the good, the bad and the ugly that every couple experiences but no one likes to talk about (launch date TBD)

3. Photos of food taken with my fancy Samsung Galaxy

In a way, this forum is my way of embracing all the idiosyncrasies of an individual and celebrating me and you and everyone else for what we bring to the table just as we are.